


Triangles are the Strongest Shape

by OneLetteredWonder



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Logan angst, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, polyamourus relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneLetteredWonder/pseuds/OneLetteredWonder
Summary: In a mathematical sense, triangles hold more power in their shape than any other. Three legs are needed to make a table stand as well as support whatever to be put on top of it. It’s stable and strong. Each end connected to the other. Each pieces supporting the other. Each hand able to hold another.--While Patton, Roman, and Virgil are enjoying each other’s company, Logan is left out. He supposes that’s for the best, as a non emotional trait, they don’t really need him in the way.But he's very, very wrong.





	1. Triangles are the Strongest Shape

In a mathematical sense, triangles hold more power in their shape than any other. Three legs are needed to make a table stand as well as support whatever to be put on top of it. It’s stable and strong. Each end connected to the other. Each pieces supporting the other. Each hand able to hold another.

Logan stands from his chair, having had enough of what he’s seen. He walks behind the couch to not interrupt the movie any more than he already has by just standing up, by existing. The other three are sitting on the couch in a mass of limbs. A pile barely discernible to who is who with all eyes focused on the TV.

He slips past and though he begs himself not to, he glances behind him just before rounding the corner to head to his room. Maybe it would be much easier to get over whatever is turning turmoil inside him if they could just watch the TV and not see him and he could leave without bothering them. Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t catch Virgil’s eye at the last second.

It’s not easy though as his feet begin to trudge down the hall. He should have been able to get past without being noticed but. Damn Virgil. Damn him and his sense of just knowing when something is off no matter how vague. Something is off. But what? Logan puts a hand to his mouth in thought.

It’s off. Himself is off. Wrong? It doesn’t feel wrong exactly but not good either. Confusing is a definite. An emotion then probably, not something he’s usually good at working with. Which of course makes the feeling frustrating. It’s hard to understand, complicated, uneasy.

He closes his eyes tight, wondering just why he has to feel this way. It tears him up inside. It has to be bad. The others are fine, and good, and happy. That isn’t his place. That feeling is not for him. The confusion comes back. He wants it. He can’t have it. This feeling, it’s too much.

“Logan?” The soft voice makes him jump and slam his back to his door. In his thoughts he forgot to even enter his room just standing outside the door dumbfounded. He blinks at Roman, a look of concern of his face. Logan inhales carefully and makes his back straight.

“Did you need something Roman?” Logan voice is choked out. He clenches his jaw tight as Roman scans his face for something. Whatever it is, he doesn’t find it. He shakes his head.

“Nah, just getting a blanket, saw you standing out here like a loonie,” Roman smirks at him and brushes past. Logan has enough energy to softly glare as he retreats. The look lessens once Roman is out of sight, but he won’t be for long. Like his hand is made of glass Logan opens the door to his room and confines himself to the white walls.

He hears Roman pass by and that’s enough for him to loosen the tie around his neck and crash to his bed. He relaxes as much as he can and it’s not much. His thoughts return and everything comes crashing down on him.

He’s not stupid. Far from it. He knows. He knows how much he loves them. How much he loves the smiles Patton sends his way after offering up a cookie. How much he loves the way Roman enters a room with flourish, lamenting on his latest idea or outing or the way he woke up. He loves the way Virgil snorts when he laughs and the sassy witty remarks he slips in. He loves it. He loves them.

With a shaky breath he brings the palms of his hands to his eyes, pushing his glasses off and out of the way. Anything to try and keep the tears locked inside but they trickle out. He loves them. He loves them so much. He’s known this for so long. And it’s so confusing.

Three people. Three different people. It put his head and heart through a loop. Confused him for weeks and poured himself into research just to make sure he hadn’t been wrong. Possible he knows now, but it’s frustrating. As if being turned to a tongue tied mess when one person is around, all three of them make him lose his sense of control as evident by the tears streaming down his face.

And it hurt. It hurt when he saw Roman and Patton holding hands, announcing their relationship. Happiness, that’s what he should have felt for them. Instead only something clawing in his chest that demanded to be acknowledged, named, felt. Jealousy? Envy. He wanted that. Wanted them.

Then Virgil, sweet, gloomy Virgil. For a moment he thought maybe he could have a friend in this moment of loss. Virgil had been upset by the revelation of them too, snapping bitter remarks and hiding in his room with a glare to everyone who dared enter his presence. It took the three of them going in and refusing to leave till he opened up to figure out why.

Logan had heard the words, the words of wanting to be with Roman and Patton in the middle of the cuddle piles, to feel that warmth. He couldn’t handle it. Virgil had felt what he did, and more so had been able to express it. He left. He walked away from the emotions of that room and enclosed himself in his own white walls.

That’s when it went so far down hill. While he thought he would not be alone in his wallowing, Virgil had been let in. Together they all lazed about, never alone without the others. Together, always together. Without him.

He wants to be included. To be near them all in soft moments and be surrounded by that love and warmth. The emotions are difficult though. It hurts to see them together. Pain. He should be happy for them being together. Guilt. Why couldn’t he just let them be? Anger. Why does he wish they would ask him to be with them? Heartbreak.

He can’t even talk to Patton about it.

He flinches when they get close, worried it will finally break the resolve he’s built up. Every kind word makes him want more, makes him close himself off more in return. He doesn’t want to cut himself out of the picture, but they would be so much happier without him moping about.

Triangles are the strongest shape after all, and Logan plays no part in that.

–

“He looked back,” Virgil whispers once Roman is sitting with him and Patton on the couch again. Patton whines and Roman spreads his golden comforter over them with more force than necessary. 

“He looked back at  _us_ ,” Virgil continues on pressing the issue. His breathing is picking up in hyperventilation. The twitching begins in his hand and then he’s prying his way out of Patton’s and Roman’s arms in a fit of trying to get free of  _something._ The blanket falls to the floor with no effort to pick it back up.

“Virgil please,” Patton pleads with him but he’s off the couch and pacing with his hoodie sleeves pulled over his hands, twisting the material together. Roman stands and stops him by putting his hands on his shoulders.

“There’s nothing we can do.” He says sternly. Virgil pulls away from him with a look of hurt on his face and anger in his eyes.

“Bullshit,” He mumbles. Patton whines again.

“BullSHIT!” He yells. His hands are shaking. He needs something. Something stable. Something grounding. Something logical.

“Virgil he doesn’t feel the  _same,_ ” Patton has tears in his eyes, voice low and soft with nervous glances sent towards the hallway leading to their rooms.

“He doesn’t feel,” Roman tacks on bitterly. Virgil glares at him but the look softens seeing how upset Roman’s own words made him. Patton sniffles and holds out his hands, each one taken by Roman and Virgil.

“He does, but..” There’s another sniffle.

“This isn’t what he wants,” Patton voice is low and resigned. Virgil twists up his nose. The something is wrong feeling still strong inside him. Roman sits next to Patton and holds him tightly.

“We know,” He gives Virgil a pointed look.

“We all know he doesn’t like this kind of thing, we have to let him be.” As confident as Roman sounds in his words, an undertone of sadness is ready to break free. Virgil flops to the floor to curl up on their legs.

“Emotions make him uncomfortable. We need to respect that,” Patton tries to garner his fatherly voice. It doesn’t work too well but his meaning is heard well enough. Roman runs a hand through Virgil’s hair to try and calm him. Part of him feels responsible. He had been the one to confess his feelings first. It started them down this path.

Patton had glowed when he told him and how he could ever resist that sweetness. Virgil had an upsetting confession and he loved him all the same. And Logan. He would never expect him to want this. It’s too ‘feelsy’ for him. Too emotional.

“I love him,” Roman says plainly. Virgil hides his face but nods all the same.

“Me too,” Patton tries to laugh but a sob rips through it. Their holds get tighter.

It only lasts so long. They can’t dwell on this forever. Nothing will change and they need to accept that as horrible as it feels. Virgil gets back on the couch and pulls the blanket over them again. Bittersweetness fills the air between them.

–

“-Should check on him.”

“He gets along with you more.”

“But you know him better.”

“Maybe we should all go?”

“Yeah and overwhelm him, great idea.”

“Got any other bright plans Captain Discourage?!”

“Watch that tone mister.” A mumbled apology, shuffling of feet. Logan opens his eyes to darkness that his room has encased him in. Night time. He sits up slowly and feels tender in his face from the onslaught of tears that had come out of thinking. Thinking of the same thing he always had.

He lifts his head to a knock on the door. He doesn’t answer and the door cracks open just a bit.

“Logan? You okay?” Patton’s voice. He sighs and waves the door open just a hint more with a wave of his hand so light streams in and the other two are able to be seen behind him. He puts a hand to his head to try and keep himself together.

“What do you want?” It comes out more bitter than he intends, but he feels bitter. It’s a vicious cycle that makes him more bitter for feeling at all. Patton shifts awkwardly at his question.

“Just checking on you, haven’t seen you in a bit,” He forces a laugh. Logan sighs.

“I’m fine, just needed some rest.” The answer is curt, final. Patton continues to shift. Virgil glares at the ground worrying his sleeves in his hands while Roman stares off into the distance.

“Okay, well if you’re sure. We’re going to watch Big Hero 6 soon, do you want to-”

“No thank you, Patton.” Rude. Selfish. Emotionless. Patton inhales sharply but nods his head. Roman is the first to walk away and Patton after with his shoulders slumped. Logan removes his hand to fully see Virgil in the door way, something like hurt and anger in his eyes. Probably because he made Patton upset. With a flick of his wrist the door closes.

Logan takes a deep breath, hearing an expletive from Virgil on the other side and the tell tale sound of his door slamming shut. Logan shuts his eyes tight. He wants to go watch with them. Be with them, but more than what they’re willing to give. He’s faked being okay for so long, faked lacking all emotion. He’s exhausted and an inkling of fear makes him wonder if the dreariness in his body will ever go away.

He can hear them talking, whispering words of love and encouragement. He knows. He knows more than anyone. Finding headphones he shoves them in his ears and turns the classical melodies up and up till it drowns out their voices. He knows those words do not belong to him. He knows he will never be apart of it.

He knows he will wish for it until it hurts too much to move.


	2. --But Squares are Even Better

****

Logan went about his days as he always had. No matter the break down, no matter the heart ache. Routine had to continue and he would be a fool to break that routine. Days would go on and so would he for better or worse. Still the pain lingers and likes to be felt, and as much as he would try to push away that hurt, he knows it will still be there. There is not much he can do about it.

Maybe he could try and ‘get over’ his feelings, but knowing how it feels to actually love someone, all three of them, he’s not sure he can give that up. For just a quick moment thinking of them makes him happy. Just a quick moment of their smiling faces with their legs all tangled up on the couch, laughing and enjoying themselves. The most amazing thing he has ever seen and all he ever wants to see. For that quick moment, he’s blissfully happy.

But he’s  _sad_  the rest of the time and there’s no way the others would ever understand. They understand sadness of course, how could they not? But they won’t understand how  _he_  could be sad. One of Roman’s ever present nicknames ‘Robo Logo’ clearly reminds him that they don’t see him as someone with feelings, someone with the capacity to love.

He has feelings, has come to terms with them on a basic level even if they do frustrate him to no end on good days. Little nuisances that mess with his head. There is little peace in knowing which feelings they are and for what reason, but at least he can explain it should someone ask him. If someone would ask him. Ask him.

The idea makes his throat tight with unsaid hopes. An inkling of want and he’s putting his head in his hands once more. Maybe just a day he would like to pass without dreaming of one of them, any of them, asking him how he feels about it all. Maybe then he could be honest and tell them how much it hurts to be left out. Tell them how much he does feel. How much he does feel for them all.

That day is not today even as he takes a look longingly at his closed door, hearing laughter on the other side of the hall where they play some silly hand game that Patton made up. There’s a shout from Roman, another bout of laughter from Patton, and if he listens ever so carefully a soft snort from Virgil. It makes him smile to hear them enjoying themselves. It makes his heart hurt to have not been invited.

He excused himself right after he finished eating, the day growing heavy on his shoulders and the sight of them starting to cuddle worming dangerous emotions in his stomach. They did not question his leave. He is not surprised. They never truly have before. Yet regardless of the voice telling him to keep his eyes forward, his head tilted just enough to catch sight of a soft sad look in Patton’s eyes.

He tried to work and yet couldn’t bring himself to do so. As much as he would rather spend this time doing something productive, reading, writing, making plans, it all comes back to them and their happiness just a wooden door away. They would not have him. With much effort he pulls himself away from his cluttered desk and to the bed, crawling in between the sheets and their lackluster warmth.

With a lazy wave of his hand soft music plays in his room, just loud enough to block out their voices to lull him to sleep. He breathes as evenly as he can, hoping tomorrow he will be able to handle his emotions better.

–

Patton bites his lip, the image of Logan walking away with that kind of pained look in his eyes has him questioning so many things and yet nothing at all. Should he go check on him? The music that plays tells him no because that’s Logan’s ‘trying to sleep’ music and he wouldn’t interrupt that. Maybe something happened earlier in the day to make him lose appetite too? He didn’t eat very much at dinner. Though Roman attempting romance by feeding Virgil hadn’t gone exactly to plan and there had been a bit of a mess to clean up.

“Something’s wrong,” Virgil says suddenly stopping their little game of Patton-cake. He’s rocking back and forth, eyes darting from corner to corner and never resting on one spot.

“What is my love?” Roman asks calmly placing a hand gently on Virgil’s leg.

“ _Something,”_ Virgil insists. Patton sighs, twisting his fingers together. That something is probably Logan and it makes his tummy feel bad. He can feel their emotions to a small extent and the sadness that wafts from Logan every so often is aching. He feels a wisp of that now.

“I want to tell him,” He whispers. Roman blinks at him dumbly while Virgil continues to rock, now twisting the sleeve of his jacket between his teeth. Patton nods to himself then looks up to meet their eyes.

“I’m going to tell Logan,” There’s a fire in his belly, determination to do something to ease that sadness. Roman runs a hand through his hair, somehow it falls back to it’s perfect wave.

“That’s a baaad idea,” Virgil warns quietly. Patton knows this. 

“I’m going to do it anyway.” Gosh darn it his love for Logan has been pushed aside for too long and gosh darn he deserves to know. When was the last time any of them told Logan they love him? Far too long in his opinion.

“It could, change something..” Roman trails off, his eyes scrunching up as his mind whirls a million ideas and paths and outcomes and dreams of what could be. The slight smirk on his face tells Patton that Roman is at least open to the idea.

“I can’t think about it, it will freak me out too much,” Virgil shakes his head, getting rid of his own whirling thoughts down a much darker path. Patton giggles and crawls over to practically sit in his lap. Roman shifts to be behind Virgil and wraps his arms around the both of them from behind.

“Tomorrow?” He suggests. There’s a shared cautious look.

“Tomorrow.”

–

Music is still playing when he wakes up. It’s pleasant. He makes a note on the pad of paper next to his bed to at least look up a study on sleeping with music versus without it. Perhaps it could lessen his mood swings. He doesn’t feel as emotionally heavy this morning which makes him only a little hopeful it will be a decent day.

The frantic knock on his door is unexpected. He furrows his brows and makes sure his appearance is at least semi decent before opening the door to a very panicked Virgil. His hands are shaking and his eyes are wide, shifting from spot to spot. Logan knows what heartache is and that’s all he feels seeing such a look on Virgil’s face.

“Virgil what is wrong?”

“I DON’T KNOW.” Virgil screams at him then clamps both hands over his mouth at hearing the echo. Logan blinks at him and the steps to the side, ushering him in. Virgil scampers in and begins spinning wildly, insecurity in his stance. It’s his whole body shaking now.

“Virgil look at me,” Logan places his hands on the anxious trait’s shoulders, coaxing him to sit on the floor. Virgil basically falls but it’s easier to calm him from a lower height as well as press his back to the bed post for some sort of stability. Logan moves his hands from Virgil’s shoulders to his hands, holding one and placing the other on his chest and covering it.

“Breathe with me,” He says evenly and begins to recite a poem, something long ago Virgil mentioned liking with his head down afraid the others would make fun of him. Logan had read the poem so many times to memorization. It’s coming in handy now so he’s glad he did.

Slowly but surely Virgil’s breathing is even with his, steady and grounding him to a better reality. Logan finishes the poem knowing it would bug him to not do so, taking a second to enjoy the feel of Virgil’s hand warm on his chest, then realizing what position they are in and letting Virgil go.

“Are you better?” He asks as calmly as he can. Virgil nods, still taking long slow breaths.

“I don’t know what happened,” Virgil admits with a twist in his mouth. Logan nods. He gets to his feet and helps Virgil up, letting go of his hand as soon as possible though he’d rather hold on. He doesn’t pry on the beginnings of the panic attack, it’s not his business. He walks behind Virgil when he heads to the door.

“Uhm, thanks,” It’s mumbled but it means a lot. Logan fights the urge to hug Virgil, knowing the other isn’t too fond of surprise contact, or would want a hug from him. Virgil shifts from foot to foot outside the door, staring at the ground. It’s tempting to ask him if something else is the matter but Virgil snaps his eyes up to meet Logan’s and speaks before he can.

“I love you.” It’s quick and hurried, just like the way Virgil takes off down the hall immediately after without waiting for a response. Not that Logan has one with his jaw dropped and now staring at the wall across from his room. He must have heard wrong. No he didn’t hear wrong. He closes the door as quietly as he can.

Love him? Preposterous. Foolish to get your hopes up is what that is. He doesn’t mean it that way. Friends, helped him down from a panic attack, nothing more. He can hear the others talking in the kitchen area with excited voices. Don’t think about it, don’t dwell on it, don’t believe it. He summons water and downs the glass, finally managing to rid himself of that lump that appeared since Virgil left his sight.

It’s nothing more than a simple slip, probably said out of feeling gratitude for helping him calm down. That seemed plausible, not outlandish in the least. He’s seen Virgil give small gifts to those who help him with such episodes, and this is merely just another one of those gifts. Maybe a cruel gift if looked at in a very Virgil way, but Logan doesn’t think Virgil capable of that kind of cruelty. As rude as he is, he knows Virgil to be kind and many more wonderful things.

With a shake of his head, heart pounding trying to get rid of the nagging thoughts, he grabs a book to distract him and heads to the common room for breakfast. He needs something to get his mind off those words and what he hopes they mean or he will drive himself mad. Thankfully no one else is in the commons, the time later than he normally would head down since he needed to help Virgil. He’s almost thankful for the solitude.

There’s a small plate of something still warm on the table with a little sticky note with his name on it and a doodle of a dog. Patton’s handiwork. Logan takes the post it and puts it on the inside of his book for a potential bookmark later. The food is good as it always is and after the plate is put in the proper place, he sits on the couch and begins to read.

“Watchu reading there Specs?” There’s a weight on the cushion behind him and he glances up at Roman, smirking like the devil does and reading over his shoulder. Logan huffs.

“Introductory to the Discovery of Stars “ Maybe considered boring, but stars will always fascinate him. Roman snorts.

“I’m surprised at it being introductory with how smart you are~” It comes out a purr and Logan pushes up his glasses.

“You must start somewhere,” He says plainly back wondering what the sudden interest is in what he’s reading. Roman snorts again and hops over the back of the couch to land next to Logan. He spends a minute laying down, getting comfy, then plops his head right on Logan’s leg for a pillow. There’s a smirk on his face when Logan freezes up and blinks down at him not sure how to react.

“Read to me Teach?” Roman asks with that damn charming smile. Logan couldn’t deny that if he wanted to. He narrows his eyes though in annoyance at the sudden demand and clears his throat. It’s easy to read, his voice getting a little more loud when something he considers more interesting is brought up. Roman gets comfortable in his spot with a smile on his face.

Every few pages Logan will look past the cover to Roman’s relaxed face and closed eyes, wondering if he’s fallen asleep. Surely this can’t be too interesting to the royal. Yet every time the silence drags on just a little too long, Roman opens his eyes and smiles wide.

“Keep going,” He says. Logan does so. Roman is far to encouraging for his own good. Far too many things. Extra is the word he uses, and it suits Roman perfectly. Hours pass and he closes the book halfway through, an alarm on his phone telling him it’s time to start a bit of work seeing as he did none the day before. Roman rolls off the couch and holds out a hand to help him up. Logan tentatively takes it.

“Thank you my dear, your voice is enchanting,” Roman bows low and places a kiss to Logan’s knuckles further flustering him. Logan is sure he’s not seeing things correctly.

“Quite exquisite I must say, all the more reason to love you,” Roman winks and saunters off. Now Logan is sure he’s not hearing things correctly. That’s surely not what Roman said. No, can’t be. Roman out of all of them knows very well the weight of words of love. For all Logan thinks he’s reckless he knows the royal is far from careless to do such a thing.

He’s in a bit of a daze as he walks back to his room and to his papers to maybe work on a bit of scheduling for Thomas. He barely registers the even more excited talking coming from Patton’s room. Once the door is closed he flicks his wrist to play a soft symphony, anything to try and ease his thoughts from running him ragged.

The work is a welcome distraction, should it actually work as a distraction. His mind keeps going back to what happened earlier in the day. First Virgil, then Roman. His nerves are shot and he’s not sure about how much more he can take. The hope is driving him mad.

They had said what he thought they said, and he’s not sure how they mean it. Surely being together so much as aspects would have made them close for a platonic sense of the word, but the possibility of them meaning it in the way he so desperately wants it to be drains him of all energy to do anything. Nothing productive gets done.

He’s brought out of hiding by the rumbling in his stomach caused by a delicious smell from the kitchen. He hesitates at the door, hand shaking. Seeing Virgil and Roman alone had been fine, but seeing them all together for the first time, which he knows they will be as Patton loves his ‘family dinners’, he’s not certain he can handle it. He steels the rest of his frayed nerves and opens the door.

“There he is!” Patton cheers once he sees Logan appear. Logan sighs and keeps his eyes straight ahead and away from Roman sitting on the couch with Virgil curled up in his lap. They didn’t mean it.

“Yes here I am, would you like assistance with anything?” He asks the practiced statement, asking it every time he joins them for meals unless the table is already set. Patton hums in thought.

“Can you get some plates please?” His smile is bright and it makes Logan lose his words. He nods instead and helps set the cutlery on the table as well. Patton giggles.

“Can you try this for me?” He waves Logan to the kitchen, holding out a spoon of sauce for the pasta. Logan huffs and does.

“Wonderful cooking as always,” Is the easy compliment, something he has always said when Patton asks him to try something. Nothing new, nothing to be taken out of context. Patton sighs in relief.

“I was worried I made it bad,” He giggles. Logan narrows his eyes just a small bit but keeps his mouth shut. They sit for dinner, Roman desperately trying like he always does when they have pasta to get someone to mimic that scene from the movie with the dogs. Patton as always complies with this request. Something awful stirs in Logan’s chest.

What ever Roman and Virgil said must be untrue. Something rude and twisted, but it’s not above Roman to pull pranks, or for Virgil to get in on those pranks. It is cruel though and it leaves his pasta tasting bland. He barely eats but that’s fine by him. His bitterness leaves him no appetite. He gives one word answers if they ask him something, not engaging in conversation. He ignores their glances between each other. Perhaps it is his cue to leave. They don’t want him.

He stands abruptly, taking his plate, and still somehow politely waits for the others to pass their dishes along so he can take them all to the sink. Patton giggles as Logan heads to the kitchen.

“Thank you Logan! Love you~” That’s the last straw. A joke. Cruel and rude but never in his lifetime something so mean that Patton would play along with. Twisting his feelings up is far from moral and how could he do that? How could Patton ever play a joke as mean. It’s not possible and Logan snaps.

The dishes clatter in the sink as he drops them forcefully, almost throwing them and he’s sure at least one of them broke. There’s silence as he steps back from the counter, looking down at his hands wondering why,  _why,_ did he do that. Breathing comes in short bursts. He’s angry and so very confused.

“What. Is your  _problem_?” Logan jerks his head up to stare wide eyed at Virgil, eyes narrowed and an incredulous look on his face. Roman places a hand on Virgil’s shoulder to calm him and stands. Patton has hands over his mouth, looking as if he may cry in surprise.

“You’ve been essentially rude for the past hour what is ailing you?” Roman asks him coming closer. When Logan takes a step back he stops. They all know enough about sensory overload from Virgil and causing a panic is not something any of them want.

“I-” Words run dry. He doesn’t have an answer. An answer that would end with this passing as easily as possible. There is no easy way out, and he’s sick of hiding how he’s feeling. He swallows hard.

“I can’t- I can’t handle this,” He stutters out. He can’t stand the pain of watching from the corners, can’t stand being left out of their soft moments, can’t handle knowing they won’t ever feel the same.

“I know, I understand that you all-” He swallows again, eyes searching the ground for something sensible to speak. He won’t look at them, it will hurt too much to see the rejection in their eyes and misses the pain they all express.

“I apologize, for pushing this on you all, but it hurts,” He manages to say. Against his better judgement he peeks at them, a sick sense of relief not seeing that rejection, but a sad misunderstanding.

“I understand that you do not want me to be apart of your romantic relationship, but it’s too much to see any more and be left out of your musings.” He grits his teeth, hands clenched tight in front of him, willing tears to be forgotten to him for at least another day. He can feel them pricking at his eyes anyway.

“Please excuse me,” He says quickly and tries to brush past Roman and back to the safety and solitude of his room. Roman blocks his path though, his expression set to determination to stop Logan from leaving. He grabs Logan’s arm and he jumps back. Logan doesn’t have the energy to get around him, can’t risk getting touched again by something so warm, something he can’t have, will never have.

“Logan,” It’s so soft, so gentle he feels like breaking down just at the sound of his own name coming out of Patton’s mouth. It takes all of his resolve to not show too much as Patton slowly rises from his chair and comes closer, there are tears in his eyes too.

“Logan do you not believe we love you?” And does it  _hurt._

“How could you?” He asks in disbelief. Patton inhales sharply. He carefully looks to the others, a deep pain in their faces and sadness he can practically feel. He drops his head.

“I know that you all perceive me to be an emotionless creature but I- I do. I- I love- I love-” The words won’t come out. He feels them so much and to admit them now is too much.

“Logan,” Patton says again. Logan inhales a shaky breath.

“Logan, Logan,” Patton is pleading. Logan can see him reaching his hands up, part of him wants to back away and run. Run far away from all the emotions running him ragged but then, oh then, Patton’s hands are on his cheeks, thumbs brushing away tears he didn’t eve realize he let slip by and all is lost. He lets out a choked sound and is pulled into a hug so tight it leaves him fumbling to hold himself up.

Patton is warm, and wraps his arms around him so tightly it’s grounding in a way. His hands rub up and down in a comforting manner. Logan presses his eyes into Patton’s neck as his hands turn to claws on Patton’s back, clinging to him like a lifeline he didn’t even know he needed, but he knows he needed this, needed everything Patton would ever have to offer. His sobs are fairly silent, just the uneasy inhales give away his emotional outbreak.

Patton pulls back all too soon hands back on Logan’s cheeks. There’s a reassuring smile on his face and redness around his eyes to prove his own tears. Logan sniffles and tenses as arms wrap around his waist from behind. Roman rest his chin on Logan’s shoulder and it makes Logan wonder if Roman has done this before with those in distress he has saved once upon a time. Maybe he shrinks a little into the hold, wanting to feel that protection that Roman caries for longer than he might ever be able to.

“We know you’re not emotionless, we just never thought you would want us like this,” Patton tells him gently rubbing his red cheeks softly. Logan blinks dumbly at him.

“I had been under the impression none of you would want me.” There’s a harsh laugh and Logan looks to Virgil standing just at the entry way to the kitchen, holding himself tightly and rubbing at an eye harshly.

“I don’t know if I should slap you or kiss you,” He says roughly, offering up a half smile to Logan. The idea makes Logan look back to the ground. Perhaps either option would be nice at this point. 

“It would make sense however,” His tone is even like he would during a lecture. The arms on his waist tense and Patton tilts his head in confusion. Logan takes a steady breath.

“Being a less emotional trait, having me involved could be counterproductive to your overall happiness.” That’s a bad feeling in his chest but still his words are no less true to himself. He’s spun around to face Roman, his entire body freezing at being so close to the royal, so close to seeing the absolute adoration in his eyes. 

He’s seen this look before, mostly directed at Virgil or Patton. It causes a pounding in his heart to be on the receiving end.

“You believe we do not want you, that we do not long for you the way you might have longed for us. I know you want to be correct in all you do, but Logan,” Roman gives a wry smile. “For once let yourself be  _wrong_.”

The tone is so pleading. Roman looks as if he’s about to cry as well but puts up a strong front. Logan forgets to take in air until he’s forced to with the way Patton crashes his face into his back, rubbing his face back forth hazardously between Logan’s shoulder blades and making pouty noises to complete the action. 

At a sudden weight on his sleeve he glances to the side surprised to see Virgil there. He’s looking at the ground with his face twisted but the grip he has on Logan’s sleeve is so tight his knuckles turn white. There’s so much around him and Logan doesn’t think he’s ever been encased in such a loving embrace. He sighs and sinks into the hold on him and for the world hopes it never ends.

–

“So I knew Patton would be the easiest to confess to, which is why I told him first you know?” Roman’s voice is calm like he’s reading a bedtime story though none of them want sleep. They are in Roman’s room however, sitting on his bed and piled into each other. Roman and Patton are sitting shoulders pressed together, backs to the wall and pillows cushioning their heads.

“He glowed bright pink when I told him it was so beautiful to see,” Roman’s musings cause the ceiling to shift into a hazy view of the scene he’s describing. Patton giggles tilting his head into Roman’s shoulder in embarrassment.

“So we just started being romantically involved, no use hiding how we feel when it’s mutual as far I’m concerned.” Logan feels tender from his break down, his head resting on Roman’s chest, feeling it rumble when he laughs and secure in the arms that are wrapped around his belly. His back is warm from his leaning on Roman, legs spread out long and crossed at the ankles with Roman’s legs on either side of his.

“Of course Virgil’s anger felt like rain, but when you finally told us how you felt it was like the clouds parted,” Roman laments with a dreamy sound in his voice. Virgil snorts and turns his head to hide in Patton’s shoulder. Patton sits criss-cross with his arms wrapped tightly around Virgil who sits sideways, sideways so he can put his legs over both Logan’s and Roman’s.

“You left the room when he told us,” Roman tells him specifically. “That had been I suppose the big thought that you didn’t want to be involved.” Logan sighs and curls a little in on himself. The ceiling portrays that moment in a fog.

“I had, perhaps foolishly thought, that maybe Virgil and I could bond in our mutual upset.” He doesn’t like admitting his thought process but honesty is the best policy and he’s exposed enough as it is. When Virgil’s legs press down on his he feels okay to be exposed.

“We could’ve, maybe,” Virgil shrugs, not saying much else. It’s a small comfort to the past.

“For so long we thought you just didn’t like the romantic feelsy things,” Patton says with a small laugh. Logan sighs again.

“I may not be the best when it comes to emotional events, a reason for how long it took me to admit it at all.” It’s not the best reason, but one the others accept by shifting closer as much as they can. Roman begins to hum, the ceiling once again changing, this time to stars in random patterns and shapes, some Logan recognizes from his book.

It had been Roman’s idea, of course, to re-tell from their side of things why they thought Logan did not want to be involved. Logan agreed, if only to see if the story would settle some uneasy feelings in himself as to why they never bothered to ask. It does. With the way Roman tells him his perspective, it’s easy to see why they would think they way they did. He can’t be upset with them for that.

Patton shifts with his tongue sticking out a little to get the right spot to be able to pry a leg out from under Virgil and put it over Logan’s as well. He looks down at their limbs, recognizing whose leg is whose, something he had never really been able to do before. He takes a deep breath and leans more into Roman’s hold, arms tightening silently in response.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan finds himself asking. After the morning panic, and then all the intense emotions, he wouldn’t be surprised if Virgil needed to say something. The anxious trait twists up his nose.

“Something’s… right.” He ends up saying. Patton giggles and nuzzles him while Roman laughs. A smile finds a way to Logan’s face as Virgil grumbles. The moment is soft, loving and sweet. He wanted to be involved in moments like this. A hard tension in his chest finally releasing at the inclusion. He catches Patton’s eye. There’s an adoring smile on the father figure’s face, one that he can return in his own way, taking Patton’s hand to curl their fingers together when offered.

In a mathematical sense, triangles hold more power in their shape than any other. Three points are needed to order to make anything other than a line. Each end connected to the other. Each piece supporting the other. It makes every other shape in a series of patterns. Logan looks at how they are connected. Each person holding another, strong and stable and sure. Yes triangles are the strongest shape, but squares are even better.

**Author's Note:**

> Moved from my tumblr for ease of access, thank you for reading! Based off Based off this (https://sparkfairee.tumblr.com/post/166968432640/polysanders-idea-ok-just-hear-me-out-whenever-i)


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